the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
