who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i think my mom watched the whole time
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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