i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
