help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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