I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
