Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize