So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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