This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
