The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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