forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
