If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
