I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
