he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
