Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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