oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
