so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
