I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
