she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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