she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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