last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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