Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
