Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
be right there i have to get my cape
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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