We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
