My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
honey bunches of taint.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My penis needs a shock collar
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
