Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
