the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
