so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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