Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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