he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
