So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
