i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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