he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
