My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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