Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
