So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
