I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
