Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
