So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
