Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
