If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
