Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
