A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
