i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
