I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
