Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
