her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
