her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
