He is such a slut. More and more my type.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
