five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
