Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
