she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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