Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
