White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize