and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Randomize
