My first STD was from a foam party
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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