I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
