Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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