Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
