You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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