So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
