so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
