I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
