he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
