dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
