someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
