You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i permit you to call me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
