it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
