you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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