It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
