I am in a vortex of obligation.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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