I think i sorta joined a cult last night
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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