I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
