please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize