Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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