lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
