my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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