Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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