my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
