We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
