I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The uberlube is also flammable
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
