Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
