I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
