after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
