his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
