I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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