how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
